T Minus Don't Even Wanna Think About It.

I kinda like watching other people buy food. Not normal stuff, like butter or toilet paper, but ingredients for stuff, spices are cool, and of course, there's the cookieporn.

Cookieporn. Cousin to candyporn, cheeseporn, breadporn, chipporn, and all around snackyporn. When one is trying one's damnedest to be good and keep that crap so far out of the house it isn't a temptation, watching someone select exactly what kind of break and bake frozen cookie block they wish to get, especially when said cookie blocks are buy one get one free and the choices all sound like a fevered marijuana dream had by a character from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, is nigh on torture. I found myself faced with this seedy sensation recently. I felt I should have a say in the decision, if for no other reason than people I PERSONALLY knew would soon be consuming it. Dark desire of this type is usually seen amongst men going to strip clubs and taking home with them an image they can relive during those "special alone times". The only thing better than this of course, is the culinary equivalent of a full video complete with a happy ending, and that is watching someone eat. I have actually asked someone to eat a candy bar reaallllyy slowly in front of me. I feel dirty even admitting this, mostly because anyone reading this that I have said this to that thought I was kidding? Um, no. I was not kidding. I really did want to see the candy bar being eaten slowly. Ha ha! Now things are awkward between us, yes?

There's no creepy naughty fetish being fulfilled here. There are fetishes like that and all I can say is a) do NOT Google "feeders" and b) if anyone ever tries to get me on on some sick "feeding me" fantasy, they better get to stepping swiftly and you can leave the snacky cakes with me, thankyouverymuch. A take the gun, leave the cannoli situation, if you will. No, my weirdo fixation has not to do with the person eating, it's being able to live vicariously the whole nom nom experience that is maowing down on that candy/cookie/whatever. I know it's sick. But I am ok with being a little sick.

In serious news, I have been very bad and backslid some. I am making a renewed effort going forward and will get back on track. You see...I have eaten a lot of cookies lately.